


Better

by yangisbestgirl



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Character Study, Depression, Gen, Sad cinnabun, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-24 03:51:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16632383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yangisbestgirl/pseuds/yangisbestgirl
Summary: An average day in sayori's life. TW for suicide. Sad cinnabun :(Also a bit of a vent, partial inspiration of my own experiences





	Better

Sayori woke up.

 

Again.

 

Sayori opened her eyes. The time on her digital clock said 12:46. _Great_ , she thought. _I missed the alarm again. Useless_. It wasn't enough to make her get out of bed, though. She picked up her phone of the dresser and began flipping through social media and various internet pages she liked. No videos. She couldn't possibly concentrate on watching a video. She looked up and saw it was 1:15. She dropped her phone to the bed in frustration. Of course she'd screw up something as simple as getting out of bed.

 

She dragged her body out of the covers. In the process she sniffed around a bit. The air was musty and stale in her bedroom. _Is it the mess in here or is me that reeks?_

"It's been five damn days, I need to get in the damn shower," she spoke aloud. No one was around to answer.

Sayori hopped in the shower, discarding the clothes she'd been wearing all week. She turned the water on warm. She waited a few minutes for it to warm before washing up. It wasn't warm enough. She was still cold. Sayori turned up the heat again. She was still cold. Sayori turned it as far to the right as it would go. The water was scalding hot to the point of being painful to the touch if you had just walked into that temperature from nothing. Sayori didn't care. She still couldn't feel it. She was still cold.

After finishing up, Sayori dried off and put on some pajamas. It was now 2:34. She had nowhere to go. It was summer vacation, and none of her friends ever saw her over the summer. Not that she tried to contact them. _They had better things to do with their summer than have to take care of me._ MC lived next door and almost never saw her. She never really left house beyond the trip to get groceries. Sayori couldn't drive, not that she had anywhere to go. Her friends _"couldn't possibly want me around on their time off,"_ so she spent the entire summer in the same four walls. 

 

Sayori had sat on the couch, attempting to find something to watch. She couldn't stay interested in anything. She switched to a game. She played a few levels. she ended up passing and going back to that dumb shit on her phone. 

It was around 7:52 that she realized she hadn't eaten a thing. Her stomach rumbled in protest, and she got up, leaving her phone on the glass coffee table. She looked at the table, transfixed for a second. _I could shatter it and cut my throat with the shards, easy_. She shook her head and was off to the kitchen. She only had it in her to make a cup ramen. Sayori ate it in silence, alone. Just staring at the wall, wishing MC's smiling face was there with her. He wasn't. All she had to talk to was herself _. And what could be a more unpleasant partner?_

Sayori flopped back on the couch. She flipped channels again and flipped onto a crime drama. The man in the show, a grizzled cop, was investigating a series of suicides, ...or were they? Obviously they were murders, it was a crime show. Sayori watched it with half hearted interest, until one of the victims had to be talked down off the edge of a building. Sayori paid attention as the protagonist spoke to her about how life was worth living, how she was sure to happy later in life. "It gets better," he said. Sayori had seen that phrase everywhere. Commercial PSA's, posters at the school library, and now here. _Well, what if it doesn't? Wouldn't she be happier if she didn't have to find that out later? **Wouldn't it be best if died right now?**_

 

Sayori shut off the TV and crawled into bed.

It was now 10.46. Sayori lay down and picked up her phone to keep mindlessly scrolling, keep out of her mind-

 

The phone rang.

 

Sayori answered the phone:

"Hi, Sayo! It's MC!"

Sayori perked up immediately at his voice. Her excitement was real, if a bit in her fake happy tone she used with others. _It was fake. She was fake._

"MC, how have you been, I miss you!" 

MC had little of interest to say, but Sayori was enthralled by every word. He was just shooting the shit with a friend, but to her, besides a few visits from parents, this was the first human contact she had had all week.

"So Sayori, where have you been all summer? You live next door and I haven't seen you. I'd like to see you." She could hear his pout through phone. _Oh look, I've hurt a friend again._

"I'm so sorry MC, I've been in Osaka with my parents!" She lied. _Was it to make him feel better or to hide how pathetic she was from him?_

"We can go do something next week, I promise!"

Hopefully by then she'd feel a bit better. _She won't_.

The call ended soon after that with a _date? Play-date? Something_ arranged for next Saturday. Sayori was excited and afraid. It was now 11:12. Sayori browsed her phone and saw the date. 

.

 

 

**_Happy Birthday, Sayori_**.

 

.

 

Sayori felt nothing.

 

Sayori needed to feel something 

 

 

She reached into her shorts. She did this every night around this time. It didn't feel good, not really. It was totally mindless. She thought of MC for a bit. She thought of Monika, her tall, imposing figure and her mean streak. She finished and just lay there. Heartrate up, and breathing harder, but not much good in it. It wasn't relaxing and her muscles remained tense and cold. She only felt more empty, more lonely, that strong reminder that no one was there.

 

She was alone.

 

It was 1:14 when she got tired of beating herself up and tried to sleep. She thought even then of lonely and pathetic she was. No one needed her and she needed everyone. It was hell. She wanted to die.

 

A thought occurred to Sayori. She was 18 now. She was an adult. _Now I wont be lying to the "I agree to the terms and services."_ She smirked a little at the thought. 

A worse thought occurred to her. What else did they say, right next to "it gets better?" It gets better when you're an adult. 

Well here she was. An adult. She didn't feel any better.

But it gets better, right?

Surely they wouldn't spread it everywhere if it wasn't true?

Right?

 

...right?

 

**_It's going to stop, right?_ **

 


End file.
